I'll never be the same. And some wounds will never heal. I wonder if I will still feel flares of anger over betrayals that should (by then) be long over?
I'm using music for my therapy in between therapies. When I'm in the car with others, it's on MPR. With Amelia, it might be on one of her CD's.
When I'm alone.. The volume is up, and the music always has a heavy bass line. Like a heartbeat. I can instantly lose myself, detach myself from my own life, and just be. I can concentrate on driving, extend my sense of awareness, and just become part of the Jeep.
Cars don't feel. My heartbeat is the heavy beat of whichever song is on. Cars don't cry, they don't miss people. In this state, I don't have issues with accepting help without expectations of reciprocation. I don't have to be "on". I can just be, just react.
But then I pick up the little girl I've missed on a deeper level all day, and MPR is back on, and we're back into real life.
But for a few miles, I felt relief.
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