Here's the thing.
Last Sunday night, my niece collapsed. She's five and a half. A beautiful soul.
I got the call, made arrangements, and raced to the hospital. I was worried, but not terrified. Not until I walked in.
It was bad. Her throat just.. closed up. She was too long without oxygen. The doctors told us, about 4am on Monday morning, that her chances of surviving were minimal.
We all broke down. We didn't have anything else to do. I saw this shining light just a few hours ago, she was so proud of herself. It seems eerie and wrong. I still feel like I'm in a really odd, horrible dream.
We kept vigil at her bedside, so many people who love her, and my brother and sister in law.
We held her hand, kissed her, read her stories, kept her favorite movies playing constantly.
And then the time came to give her away.
I didn't realize that this would hurt worse than Henry. I didn't suspect. I'm back into my emotional coma, doing my best to function and get through each situation.
Per was my niece, and a week ago she was running and laughing with Amelia. She'd just had ice cream and was teaching Amelia something or other.
I spent a good amount of time in the chapel on Sunday night. I cried, and begged. I couldn't imagine a world that would allow our family to lose two children in two years.
Losing Henry should have been our "dues" -- our token for ensuring the safety of the rest of our children. It shouldn't happen again, worse than ever. Senseless.
The odds aren't against us. 8 in a million with Per. But.. why did it have to be our family again? Why did it have to happen to my brother? He's the man I've admired for years for his endless patience and limitless love for his girl. Ever time I saw them together, I'd just marvel at their interactions. He never raised his voice, and she clung to his every word.
I'm just so angry. And betrayed. And broken. It doesn't seem right. It shouldn't have happened to them, to us.
It shouldn't have been our family. It shouldn't be my vibrant niece in the little white casket.
Love your babies, your friends, your family. Give in to chocolate milk at bed time. It's true that the odds are in your favor -- but they're still odds. It can happen to anyone.
And - don't take that as a threat or me trying to fear-monger. But the truth is, you NEVER know. None of us do, or will. So love while you can. Enjoy the wind, the grass between your toes, and every cloud in the sky. And know that it's enough.
