Back to Reality

I'm going back to work on Tuesday. It's a whole week early. I just need to get back to some semblance of normalcy. 

Nothing will ever be the same - this I know, and accept. I am fully devoting myself to allowing myself the time and patience to learn how to function as a mommy to my sunshine girl and my angel baby. 

I will be patient with myself. I won't punish myself for having bad days. I'll step away/out when I need to. I'll cry when I need to. And that's okay. 

I will keep on reminding myself that I'll never be just magically "over it" - Henry will be with me forever. I'm thankful that I'm not expected to just forget him. 

I will continue to indulge myself. I will continue to work out in ways that I can -- usually heavy cleaning. I will find time to get to the gym, because I'm happier when I'm active. 

I will continue acting like I'm a stay at home mama. I love having meal plans and home cooked dinners -- I love being able to control what we eat. This will not change. 

This isn't the end. This is a beginning of another phase. I'm taking control - but I'm not going to punish myself if I do lose control or poise. It's to be expected. 

I'm going to fall. But I depend on myself and my husband to pick me/us back up. That's just the way that we have to get through this.