Advice

I think of myself as a very steady personality. I'm not volatile, I pretty much go with the flow and maintain a happy face. It's my heart that has it's good and bad days. I've realized that I really need to take care of my heart first, before I try to keep up a social facade.

I read this today, from The Carson Project (http://www.facebook.com/thecarsonproject) "When I let you know I'm having a bad day, that I'm grieving and I just can't make it, I can't worry about how you take that. My healing depends on it. My healing depends on my honesty. My healing depends on who I am and what I am, and if I can find my own truth.."

That completely rang true for me. I can't worry about how anyone will take my truth. I have to be completely honest about it, and I can't let my pride stand in the way of my healing. By telling people I'm fine, it's like I'm giving them permission to rip out my stitches. And then I'm recovering for days after, trying to emotionally limp through each and every day. 

That's the best advice I can give anyone these days - be honest. Be honest with yourself, and then with everyone else. Don't hide your grief or your pain for anyone's benefit. You need to learn how to live with it. You need to crawl before you walk - and grief is such a burden, you really need to learn to balance it in your life and on your shoulders. 

Amelia was picking dandelions in the back yard (don't worry, we have a ton, ha!) and making wishes. I asked her what she was wishing for today - she said, "my sister!"

Oh, how my heart clenched. She then made wishes for her baby brother, but a lot more for her sister. She's been talking more and more about Henry lately. She likes the idea of having someone to play with any time.