I am in a dark, dark place right now.

All I want to do is lie down and will myself into nonexistence.

I didn't think people knew what they were talking about when they said the holidays are almost worse. Because they are.

Jason and I bought a stocking last year. We knew we were pregnant. We bought a red velvet snowflake for our second child. And found it yesterday, putting up the tree.

Today I just want to be done with it all. I'm angry, and hurt, and betrayed, and lost. My chest feels like there is a sucking wound - with every gasp, it feels worse.

I know, I know, ups and downs. But I didn't think it'd be this far down.